Say what?

Years ago, I had coffee with a friend who had known me since my youth. She talked, I listened. Each story bore themes of confusion and shame. She was raised in the church, knew all the things, and regularly attended churches that fostered an intimate relationship with a living God. Yet, those themes overshadowed her faith. It is all too common in the church, and it saddens me deeply when I encounter it. In my conversations with those who have walked away from the church, I find they often speak of deep, deep hurt and betrayal. Recovering from that isn't a walk in the park, it's rebuilding faith in God and remembering that even people deemed "saved" are still fallen, and God is still pursuing their heart for healing. There is a spectrum in which our faith lies, and it's based on our knowledge of God, His character, and His desires for us. To put it more simply, there is head knowledge and there is heart knowledge. 

Head knowledge is more the memorization of scripture and all sorts of facts and figures. It's very left-brained logic. Having this is very important because it is the basis for our understanding of God because we have the ability to reference the experiences of those who have gone before us written down, and we can look at the Epic nature from start to finish of God's pursuit of his people. The Word in and of itself is inerrant, our interpretation is not. The enemy is well aware of this and full of plenty of head knowledge. It's what makes manipulation, misunderstanding, and the twisting of scripture so easy. It's what leads to spiritual abuse, false doctrine, and even more simply the confusion and shame this woman felt. 

Heart knowledge is different. It's the more personal, soulful knowledge. It's the knowledge of God that we gain not just about Him, but through our experience and walking with Him. It's that still small voice that speaks to my heart when I pause to listen. It's in the sunset, the awe of the ocean or the mountains. It's full of feeling and wonder; beautiful in every way. However, heart knowledge isn't perfect, but it is the lens through which we view scripture and seek relationship. 

We all too often view our relationship with God through the lens of how people have hurt us. A faith built on just one or the other will falter. In my life, it means I'm often the one out of 100 that the Shephard chases after. We need both. Not just both, but both, in balance. This woman I had coffee with, had an understanding of one, but hadn't experienced the depth of the other. 

God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless; he has blessed, and I cannot change it.  ~ Numbers 23:19-20 ~

The head and the heart knowledge work in sync, they bring clarity, not confusion. Head and heart knowledge work together. At times we need to lean on one more than the other. The head knowledge when our feelings are out of whack and our anxiety takes over, to stand on scripture. Heart knowledge that when all else is complete chaos, I've seen the evidence in my own life of where He was been and how He's worked to step out in faith that; Yes, He will do it again. It takes discernment to know which to stand on in that moment or if our weight should be on both. This discernment is the Holy Spirit's leading to go deeper. Deeper in trust. Deeper in faith. It takes both.

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind." ~ James 1:5-6 

This is building a faith that will not waiver. It will not waiver based on circumstances we cannot control or when we feel like we've totally just screwed up and ruined something good. Our faith should be in a continual process of being built. Just read the book of James, so many nuggets of wisdom there. 

Now, when I study scripture, I generally have more than one translation open. At least one word-for-word (such as NIV, NASB, RSV, CSB) and another thought-for-thought (Passion, NLT, The Message are a few); doing this leads to a richness and greater depth of understanding. I focus on context, reading before and after what sticks out to me. (Oftentimes I am intentional about not giving the translation I use here, because I want you to go look it up for yourself.) I do stay away from translations that use older language, because the meanings of words change over time; it's why we have so many translations. Have one where you start and work from there.

My friend hadn't realized the difference between these translations, or how to use them together in study. I sent her off with my personal Passion Translation and told her to keep it. I talked about how God speaks to my heart, what that sounds like, and what to do with it. His heart is corrective, guiding, and most important loving. "I want to hear God like that!" she said to me. I want her to hear God for herself like that. 

I prayed for her and with her, and months later when I saw her in the grocery store, "Ruth, my life is so different now!" My heart bursted, exploded, with joy. This is life. This is pure gold. This is discipleship, in teaching how to follow. This is leading people who know all the facts and figures into a deeper more intimate relationship with God. It is bringing them to the dance floor, so that they can follow His lead alone. 

I have this one coworker, and I love him. He is an older gentleman who tells you exactly what he thinks. There is no guessing, no people pleasing, no mincing of words. He's honest, forthright, and he's good. I love that I know exactly where we stand. There's no room for miscommunication, or misunderstanding. It's never degrading or mean, just down to earth honesty. When we have discernment with both head and heart knowledge, God is communicating the same way. God is not the author of confusion. He wants us to know Him, not be confused by Him. Because I know just where I stand with him and expectations are set, I don't have to guess. I am not held hostage to wondering what he thinks or whether there will be follow through. Similarly, in our relationship with God, we seek security in knowing what He thinks and where He leads. To have that conversation requires more listening than talking. 

It is being on the dance floor sensitive to the push and pull of the lead. It's heeding the direction of the leader not just by knowing the steps and rhythm of the dance. When we put it all together: straight forward caring communication and knowing where the boundaries are, we find ourselves still on the dance floor rather than falling through misstep and injured in the process. God communicates clearly, often times the issue isn't in whether He's speaking, but whether we are listening. We need to know His character, His history, and His desire for humanity with which to gauge what we feel. This is the partnership I've been talking about this past week. This is the dance; learning to be tuned in and follow well is the most beautiful thing, whether it's a spicy salsa or a slow waltz... 

Stirred knowing the heart of the One who loved me when I was formed in my mother's womb, today, and forevermore, 

Ruth