Relax, God's in Charge
There are some days I feel like I am peering across a huge chasm of darkness, and I'm sure that's just where the enemy seems to want me. Not today. No, not today. My divorce left me in financial ruins, and this car isn't something I can just go out and get a loan to replace. Nope, this has got to last, or God has something better in store for me. That's just how it is, and I refuse to accept anything less than what a loving Father has for His daughter. As I say in my June 4th post it's all about identity and this is not a time to get caught up in an identity other than what He says I am. I claim God's goodness as my inheritance.
Sleep hasn't come easy lately, and this morning I, again, woke frustrated that I couldn't sleep.
Alright, what to read now?
Matthew 26.
Ok. Matthew 26.
My hand knocks the cell phone to the floor as I reach for my Bible. Matthew 26 it is.
"The Plot to Kill Jesus" ...
Oh, this should be exciting late night reading! Not.
Ok, I'll read it....
Then I get to verse 6 and the woman anoints Jesus feet with a very expensive jar of perfume. It's costly, oh so very costly. No I'm not talking about it was over budget for the week and I can't get my Starbuck's kind of costly. Oh no. This is a year's wages or more, costly. This woman saw beyond the immediate and she worshiped Him. And just as He does, in those late night moments, He whispers: She understood what matters. Cost is immaterial, she came and worshiped. Ruth, come. Spend time in my presence and just worship me. Minister to me. Just worship. Just surrender what the world thinks should matter, and just sit at my feet.
The last several years have been riddled with challenge after challenge, and without exception He comes through time and time again. In a sense, it is scary to live that way, to live in this tension between utter chaos and provision. It's the tension between the peace that goes beyond all human explanation and the hard work of trusting that He is true to His promises. Ulgh. Bittersweet it is, like the best chocolate, but always wonderful and full of wonder.
This is faith building. This is grace affirming. This is running the race. This is: "...as your endurance grows even stronger it will release perfection into every part of your being until there is nothing missing and nothing lacking." (James 1:4, TPT) This is throwing up my hands and saying: God is God, and He still sits on the throne. This is knowing what matters, and it seems that I am being lead into a period of worship, a period of deeper trust and submission. It's not easy, but it will be, oh so good. Relax, God's in charge.
Momentarily shaken but forever stirred,
Ruth